Relax.

ultimate relaxation.

it's my goal for the year. while driving somewhere the other day, i was listening to klove. instead of doing a new year's resolution, they were encouraging people to choose one word to "live up to" in 2011. ask my husband - i stress over alot. not sure why. i love schedules, to-do lists, planning, etc. i think i could schedule out my whole day if permitted. it wears matt out. since having a kid, however, my schedule has become...more of a routine some days and other days, just a "well, we'll just see what happens!" 

c's on a schedule. i'm not one of those moms who doesn't feed her child when she's hungry because it's not time yet or makes her stay in bed screaming when she's not tired. i do love though knowing that in 3 hours she's going to eat again, stay awake for a bit and then take a nap. most days now, it goes something like that. other days, like today, it doesn't. and for that, i get stressed.

when we first brought her home, i stressed just because i was a new mom. what was i to do with this living, breathing, beautiful child that relied on me for everything? one that screamed half the day until i cut out all dairy in my diet and started her on probiotics (thank you, KS!). then i stressed over if she was getting enough to eat. then i stressed because i had to go back to work. then i stressed because she needed a formula supplement (after stressing over i couldn't provide all the nutrition she needed) and she went through several before finally taking one. 

i stress when the dogs bark, when company comes over late or when the trash runs at 5 am because i'm afraid they'll wake up c when she's sleeping. and of course i stress over the usual things - what to cook for dinner, if i even have time to cook dinner, going to the store, being home by a certain time when i'm out to feed my kid, spending time with my hubby, exercising, drinking enough water, starting bedtime routine on time, still having a job in a few years, being a good mom and wife, raising a child to love Jesus and the list goes on and on...

but amongst all my stressing, there are those moments that allow me to breathe... like when my husband wrapped his arms around me in the kitchen earlier today. or the few hours i spent playing with c and watching her roll from back to tummy for the first time (twice now that the video camera was nowhere near and she wouldn't repeat it). or just before putting her to bed, holding her close as she presses her cheek against mine while singing "Jesus loves the little children" to her. these are the moments i cherish. 

so, in 2011, my goal is to relax. to quit getting so stressed out when my schedule doesn't go as planned. all in all to trust God and rely on Him quite a bit more. the one verse i have quoted over and over again as of late..."Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6,7 

off to breathe... 

my lil' punkin luv at 1 mo.

it all finally melted today.